Good news, bad news

Good News (unless you believe an artist who claims they'll never tour again should live up to that promise): Billboard.com reports that Tina Turner is headed out on a tour starting October 1st.

Bad (Ugly) News: living train wreck Lindsay Lohan is signed up for six episodes of Ugly Betty, starting with this year's season finale. Ew. I sense a shark-jumping may be near.

How could they take THIS off the air???

Idol Gives Back a ratings downer

I'll guess that, since American Idol scheduled a separate show for last night to throw out the latest loser, many people didn't feel the need to watch Idol Gives Back on Wednesday. This year's show had 17.8 million viewers, well below last year's 27 million. I wonder if fewer donations were made as well (it's hard to tell with the figures being thrown about since there are also corporate donations).

You may remember that, after going through the whole show saying someone was being sent home, Ryan Seacrest told Jordin Sparks that she was the lowest vote-getter, then turned around and said that no one was leaving after all. Last night Ryan announced that Michael Johns got the fewest votes and followed up with: ''Now, last year during Idol Gives Back, we didn't eliminate anybody at this stage of the competition. Tonight...we're going to say goodbye to Michael Johns." That was just cruel. However, if they went through that whole hour last night, separating it from Idol Gives Back, and then not thrown him out, I guarantee that would've been the jump-the-shark moment for Idol.

"Talents" of "stars" to remain secret

CBS has yanked "Secret Talents of the Stars" after one airing. Only 4.8 million viewers were curious enough to check out George Takei singing country and Clint Black doing standup comedy. I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you.

Speaking of 80's videos

I have to confess something. Many, many years ago, when I was but an innocent college student, I tuned into MTV one night and saw the video for Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me."

Yes, it's lame yet oddly catchy. Yes, Rockwell wore boxer shorts in the shower. Yes, it never would've gone anywhere if Michael Jackson hadn't been talked into crooning the chorus, "I always feel like -- somebody's waaaaaaaatching meeeeee!" But that's not what haunts me.

What haunts me is, who the hell played the zombie mailman?

Because for a zombie mailman, he was pretty damn hot. I never thought necrophilia would interest me, but in this case I'd make an exception.

Square Pegs on DVD!

This is great news! It's been a long time coming. May 20th is the day.

Larry Craig wants you!

Haven't you always wanted to be an intern for a closeted homophobic politician who enjoys bathroom sex? David Letterman ran Craig's advertisement...

Are awards shows dying?

Preliminary ratings indicate that last night's Oscar show was the lowest-rated ever -- down 21 percent from last year and down 14 percent from the previous lowest-rated show in 2003.

The Golden Globes and People's Choice were basically wiped out by the writers' strike, but the Grammys and Oscars both had writers and no picket lines to keep stars from showing up, and both tanked in the ratings. Are people tired of awards shows? Are there too many awards shows? It is just that the nominated movies, songs, etc. weren't that popular this year? Was this just a bad year?

As much as I love music I never watch the Grammys or American Music Awards any more. Other than the occasional Emmy telecast I have basically never watched any other awards shows -- Golden Globes, SAG awards, Tonys, People's Choice, etc. So maybe I'm not the viewer they need to talk to if they want to figure out why the ratings are dropping.

I still watch the Oscars, although this year I saw for the first time the Independent Spirit awards on IFC, and that show was much more fun (even though Jon Stewart did a good job last night). If other shows were more like the indie awards show, I might watch them.

Why so many courtroom shows on TV?

When a friend told me he might be appearing on the Judge Alex show, my first thought was, "Judge Who?" Then he told me he thinks Judge Alex is hot. So I thought I'd set the DVR and record one of his shows. Sure, it would've been easier to search for a picture online, but I'm not that smart. So I checked the daytime TV listings and discover a whole cornucopia of these shows on the local Fox and CW stations.

From 10 am to 2 pm the CW has nonstop episodes of Judge Mathis, Judge Maria Lopez, Judge David Young (he's gay, by the way -- and his tag line is "Justice With A Snap!"), and The People's Court, which is also on from 5 to 6 pm.

Fox, meanwhile, counters with a five-hour court block, including one or more episodes of Judge Hatchett, Divorce Court, Cristina's Court (Huh? Not Judge Cristina?), Judge Joe Brown and Judge Judy. If that's not enough, Judge Hatchett gets a re-air at the wonderful time of 4 am.

Clearly, this is why our judicial system is such a mess. All the best, brightest judges head for TV Land.

Oddly, the local station that used to be the WB affiliate and is now a MyNetwork station (did MyNetwork come before MySpace? And why is the local Fox station's website known as MyFoxPhilly.com? Shouldn't someone have copyrighted the use of the word "My" by now?) has no court TV shows. They just have to make do with multpile episodes of Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, Montel Williams, Steve Wilkos (who used to be "Director of Security" for Springer, which obviously qualifies one to become a host), and Cheaters.

Looks like writers' strike over

The tentative agreement between the union and studios will be voted on by the full membership on Tuesday at meetings in New York and Los Angeles. The leadership of the writers' guild is recommending the agreement be approved.

This is good news for the Oscar telecast, of course. And it might be good if the networks can get a few more new episodes of their hits before the season ends -- there's some speculation that at least some shows might just hold off until the fall. But it seems to me that it's not going to stem the "reality" TV tide any time soon. Those shows are cheaper to make and enough people watch them to make them profitable. So in the future we can look forward to more shows like "Are You Smarter Than A 5th-Grade Bachelorette Hooked Up To A Lie Detector While Dancing With Stars And Being Made A Supermodel?"

Super Bowl commercials

Is it just me or are the ads getting dumber and less entertaining each year? The "funny" ones aren't funny and the rest are just dull. I got a brief laugh at the Bud Light ad where the guy was flying and then got sucked into the jet engine. Then, at the very end, there he was in an airport alive and reasonably well instead of hacked into pieces like Shary Bobbins on "The Simpsons." That ruined it for me. I'm not sure the ad agencies are even trying any more.

Good news for Oscars?

Entertainment Weekly reports on its website that a deal may have been reached to end the writers' strike. That would allow the Oscar show to go on with the stars not having to cross a picket line, and with all of that scripted banter intact.

On second thought, I don't know if this is good news or not.

Idol Delusions

I can sing, sort of. I can carry a tune decently enough. I wouldn't have people trying to pull the microphone away from me at a karaoke bar. But I know there's no chance in hell that I could become the next American Idol. So why on earth do so many people who can't sing even try out? And why do so many of them get so angry when they aren't selected to move on?

I can understand the rationale of people who dress up in weird costumes or act strangely or both. They just want the attention. They just want to get on TV. I can't for the life of me figure out why someone who clearly has no talent genuinely seems to think he or she can win American Idol. It can't all be self-confidence, can it?

I will say this, though -- there was one singer in tonight's Philadelphia auditions who got the "Golden Ticket" that I actually thought had a really good voice. Last year, which was the first time I watched an entire season from start to finish, I didn't think that about anyone. I still haven't decided if I'm watching this whole season or not.