Good news, bad news

Good News (unless you believe an artist who claims they'll never tour again should live up to that promise): Billboard.com reports that Tina Turner is headed out on a tour starting October 1st.

Bad (Ugly) News: living train wreck Lindsay Lohan is signed up for six episodes of Ugly Betty, starting with this year's season finale. Ew. I sense a shark-jumping may be near.

Is George Michael this popular?

It seems that George Michael is planning his first tour of the U.S. and Canada in 17 years. He's more famous now for trolling for sex in men's rooms than having hit records, yet not only is he playing arenas (and not as an opening act for an artist that has actually had hits recently), but for one show that's already listed on Ticketmaster the price range is from $50 to $175! Are people really going to pay for this? Am I missing something?

Tasteless Jeopardy!

"I'll take 'Career Going Down The Drain' for $500, Alex."
"For $500, the answer is...'Drillbit Taylor.'"
"What is one of the reasons Owen Wilson tried to kill himself?"

Today's Philadelphia Queer News Update

Actually there are two updates, since I didn't get to post the first one last week when it was reported. There were a series of recent burglaries in which the perpetrators would cut holes through the rooftops to gain entry. Among the businesses robbed was a Wawa convenience store (a regional chain that's MUCH better than 7-Eleven), in which cash, cigarettes and condoms were taken. The condom theft almost make sense in light of the news that the two men arrested last week in connection with some of the burglaries are twin brothers -- and have done some work in gay porn:

The Goffney twins are also the focus of numerous hardcore Internet gay-porn videos - some of which they star in together under the stage names Keyon and Teyon, according to several Internet sites that write about modeling and gay culture.

In "Marc and the Twins," which was distributed only online, the Goffneys are hanging out on the Las Vegas strip when they offer to audition for "Marc," a chiseled black porn star who happens to pass by.

The three take the "audition" to a seedy hotel room. Although "Marc" is the focus of the encounter, the twins can be seen rubbing each other's chests and getting cozy.

"Marc and the Twins" seems to be the most popular of the online porn films that star Taleon and Keyontyli. Their co-star in the film, Marc Williams, is a fairly big name in gay porn, according to Erik Schut, editorial director of Philadelphia-based TLA Entertainment Group.

The company's Web site, TLAVideo.com, is the nation's largest retailer of gay porn DVDs. To Schut's knowledge, the twins have not appeared in any porn films available on DVD, but he said if they had chosen to further their career in porn, "They could have been huge."

Meanwhile, apparently Diana Ross isn't the only woman to have once fondled Lil' Kim's breast. A local radio DJ who is known on the air as Golden Girl wrote a book called "Sex & Celebrities: The Truth, the Whole Truth, the Naked Truth," which includes her tale of a steamy encounter with Lil' Kim. The rapper spent a few months in a federal prison here; could it have been a conjugal visit? We don't know for sure as we have no video, but because we love you, here's Miss Ross' boob-bobbling moment at the MTV awards.

The Joker endorses Hillary!

This is not a headline from The Onion! This is NOT an imaginary story!

They finally made her go to rehab? Yes, yes, yes

Amy Winehouse is in a treatment facilty, says her record label:

"Amy decided to enter the facility today after talks with her record label, management, family and doctors," Universal Music Group said in a statement. The statement also indicated Winehouse still planned to attend and perform at the Grammys, to be held Feb. 10 in Los Angeles.

So it'll be a short stay? Considering her history, it seems to me she'll need a lot more treatment than that.

Should I or shouldn't I?

It seems that the legend herself, Paris Hilton, will be at the mall (and movie theaters) nearest my home to promote her movie "The Hottie and the Nottie." Sounds like a classic. She's supposed to be signing autographs for an hour, and they're giving away free passes to a screening that will be held right after the signing. Since she's going to be so close, should I drop by and say hello?

Heath Ledger is dead

According to the police, a masseuse arrived at Ledger's apartment and was let in by a housekeeper. When Ledger didn't answer his bedroom door, the housekeeper and the masseuse opened it and found him unconscious. Reports say that pills were found near his bed.

I remember that, during the time "Brokeback Mountain" was released, it was revealed that Ledger and his co-star Michelle Williams became a couple. It seemed like such a nice story, how a love affair blossomed in filming a movie about two men who fell in love but couldn't live happily ever after. Ledger and Williams had a daughter, but then last fall they broke up, and now Ledger is dead. There's no happily ever after in real life, either.

Celebs and steroids

There's a report that recording artists Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean, as well as filmmaker Tyler Perry, were all named in an Albany, N.Y.-based steroids probe. This is the same investigation that has uncovered a number of pro athletes' steroid use. Some of the drugs the athletes use to improve their performance also are thought to have anti-aging qualities.

I'm just horrified. I knew it was weird when Mary J. Blige came out of nowhere to hit 73 home runs in 2001. Now the truth can be told!