Thursday, January 24, 2008

Ask Uncle Robbie

Dear Uncle Robbie,

MY PARTNER AND I HAVE BEEN together one-and-a-half years. He'd never been with a man prior to me. He has put off telling his family and his close friends that he is gay. I firmly believe that there is no right moment to come out and that everyone has to do it at their own pace. I've told him that he will know when the time is right and I will do anything I can to support him, but he really gets down on himself about being dishonest with the people closest to him. I don't think he fears losing these people, he just needs a means short of, "The pot roast is great... I'm gay... pass the salt," to move forward. Any suggestions?

--Fan in Philadelphia

Dear Fan,

Uncle Robbie doesn’t believe your partner is in need of a spectacular means of coming out (this is his life, not a revival of La Cage aux Folles). It sounds more like he’s looking for encouragement. Instead of passively supporting his self-proclaimed dishonesty, you, as an "out" role model, could be gently guiding him through the closet door. The next time the subject comes up, ask him what he wants to do about it. Help him plan it. Offer to role-play if he thinks it will help, but keep it light and simple (your sex life may never recover from the image of you pretending to be his mother if you dress the part).

=Uncle Robbie

If you have a question you'd like to ask Uncle Robbie, please send it to

Uncle Robbie is not trained nor licensed in psychology or therapy of any kind, but he will consider answering your question anyway (if he's not in a mood). It's all fun and games, kids.

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