Saturday, January 12, 2008

Of All the Gin Joints in All the World

<Lifting head from bar>. Did I miss anything? Oh, we're already at the new place. I guess you all loaded me into the back seat of the Sweetiemobile when I was "sleeping." (Checking bar mirror) I appreciate whomever tried to style me for our debut, but for your future reference, this is a tube top, not a turban.

Hmmm, I expected something considerably more stylish--perhaps like one of those HGTV spa style master suites with a sloppy paint job. Overall, something a bit more zen than bath house. I guess it wouldn't work with this crowd anyway. If I were trying to follow my bliss here, it would be a @ing traffic jam.

I'm sure that this place will become my new guilty pleasure since caller ID took away all the joy of crank calling all my ex lovers. If it can only bring me just a small fraction of the pleasure that I get from staying in bed all day watching Project Runway on DVD, it will be a blessed addition to my life.

Enough of that, I have to work the crowd. Air kisses everyone!


Melanie said...

Oh, dear -- she's stuck to the bartop. Again. Does anyone have any solvent?

No, LCM, keep the Stoli -- you'll need that later. Where's the kerosene you use to dilute your mascara?

LCM said...

LCM: (glaring) I don't "dilute" my mascara, darling - the kerosine is to "enhance" and "strengthen" - I've got lashes to die for and from, sweetie. (lips pursed, glancing at Emily) And it appears sweetie here has drank it all. (rifling through Prada bag) We'll need the stomach pump again. (producing bright purple toilet plunger, turning to Emily) Now hold still, darling - or not - it doesn't matter to me, actually.

Plunging Elegantly, I Mean She *Is* My Dear Old Sick Friend