Sunday, January 27, 2008

Poll Time!

Let's say you had some seriously good karma coming your way and the Universe decided to reward you with one completely consequence-free bitchslap of Fred Phelps and his clan of bigots. Who would you choose to carry it out?

1) Russell Crowe
2) Jake Gyllenhaal
3) Maggie Gyllenhaal
4) Heath Ledger's entire family
5) The Australian National Rugby Team
6) The board of directors for Act Up
7) A large tattooed prison inmate named Tiny
8) A large tattooed prison inmate named Bertha
9) Yourself

6 comments:

SportsBastardBoy said...

There aren't enough choices. How about the families of deceased military whose funerals were picketed by the Phelpscum? So here's what I'd do: anyone who wants a turn, I'd give them a turn. See, if it's MY bitchslap, then I decide when it ends. So I'd start, and then let the line of millions go for it.

Uncle Robbie said...

Frankly, even if I were given to physical violence, I wouldn't deign to scuff my manicure on the likes of Phelps and his followers (and the part that truly breaks my heart is that there are followers, both overt and covert). I would, however, like a front row seat when he gets his comeuppance. That, truly, is the best revenge of all. I won't even taunt or jeer, but I can't promise there won't be the suggestion of a smirk on my lips and a certain twinkle in my eye.

Glitter Queen said...

It is so hard to indulge anything so bloodthirsty when the milk of human kindness veritably flows through my veins, but I'll try...

I would suggest either:

1-A nationally carried on-air confrontation with one of the kids that got out of his family and got out fast;

or

2-Irrefutable video confirmation of the rumors that the not so Reverend Mr. Phelps cruises bookstores for cock.

But really, it's not our job to punish anyone for their misdeed, so I'll leave it to others to give karma the little push it so often needs, as long as I get to watch.

Walt said...

Bertha's got my vote.

Nuff said.

Uncle Robbie said...

And you are...?

Gregg P. said...

I think the only truly satisfying bitchslap for that piece of self-righteous garbage would come from Jesus himself.

Picture it, if you will: Judgement Day, and Jesus walks right up to Phelps, who is certain that he has been doing the Lord's Hateful Dirty Work lo these long years, and Jesus just reaches way back into last weekend a wallops that asswipe across the face. Maybe accompanied by a good recitation of the Holy Words, "Oh no you didn't!"

Just try to picture the look on his face.

However, barring this opportunity (and all in all I think I'd prefer we all avoid the Apocalypse just now...) I'd have to opt for kicking his ass myself.