Tuesday, January 22, 2008


“Mrs. Vreeland, is that fact or fiction?” After a small pause she replied, “It’s faction”.

Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman Faction that made me go "Hmmm" this week:

How the newly pregnant Nicole Kidman is being hounded daily by photographers because obviously everyone wants to see evidence of the progressive collapse of her face without Botox.

It's sort of the cosmetic surgery equivalent of the Britney death watch. I read that Nicole Ritchie was pissed off because People offered her and her baby the cover this week, but they bumped her for Matthew Mc Conaughey's girlfriend's pregnancy. Isn't life so unfair? I mean she had a baby, and the other woman is only pregnant. What is wrong with these people? If Nicole's face collapses the same week Britney checks out, do you think Nicole will be pissed off too when she loses every cover?

But, I digress, back to the Cruise family. I read that their two adopted children are not only absent from recent pictures with Katie Holmes and Cruise, but they also live at his sister's house where they are home schooled. Apparently, the excuse is that they are waiting for their new house to be completed. I wonder why they didn't leave Suri there too? Living with her siblings would be much less tedious than constantly dressing up and having her picture taken ever day.

And, of course, there's that allegation in Andrew Morton's book that baby Suri is the issue of L. Ron Hubbard, Rosemary's Baby style. Remember when Suri was born, "She's Chinese! Look at those eyes!' Won't she have fun Googling her childhood? ( Guilty pleasure admission, I ordered the book from Amazon; I couldn't stop myself. I just love Andrew Morton and Kitty Kelly. There's nothing like reading a sleezebag unauthorized biography to beat the blues. )

A piece of faction that would make me ecstatic, if it were true (crossing fingers/oh, please let it be!) is that Oprah is pissed off enough at Dr. Phil to cut him loose. I'm so sick of seeing that buffoon pretending that he's helping people with his Jerry Springerish theme programs. Also, how about him talking about what a jock he is. Specious to say the least. (On a personal note, I am no stranger to the self help show genre, a producer from the Dr. Keith Ablow once asked us to appear on the show with a relative that only lives to incite commotion and drama-- especially when under the influence of a liter or two of Merlot or a host of prescription and/or illegal drugs. Another valid reason for not appearing, other than potentially exposing ourselves to be the equivalent of trailer park carnies, is that the person is a pathological liar, and we would just be sitting in our chairs slack-jawed when we hear her recount her sorrowful life and how everyone but her, especially us, was responsible for her pathetic life. When we declined to participate, I told the director I thought it was shameless how they paraded people's pathologies for entertainment like animals in menageries. They still wanted us to appear. Sadly, this was probably our last chance to break into showbiz, but on a more sorrowful note, we also destroyed our poor relative's life because we ruined her chance at show biz.) It's just another lose, lose situation. Sadly, life is not all beer and skittles.


Glitter Queen said...

Oh, E.(mily), you'll always be a star to me, and the boys of the 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th fleets.

Uncle Robbie said...

Yes, thanks to E.(mily)'s All-You-Can-Eat Amateur Night Special, there's no spare change to be found within 10 blocks of the waterfront.

SportsBastardBoy said...

If this relative can't find a spot on one of the 48,326 reality shows currently in production, she has no one else to blame but herself.

E.(mily) said...

She's never made it past the cut, and believe me, she's tried. However, she did do a phone in interview with Dr. Phil about her humongous breast implants. He showed a bunch of pictures of her in low cut tops while she talked to him.